My dictionary defines ire (the noun) as a feeling that is oriented toward some real or supposed grievance. Synonyms include fury, rage, indignation and dander. When used as a verb ire simply means to anger. Of all the things our families teach us, learning to express our anger in a healthy way is seldom included in the repertoire. Anger often becomes a place where we get mired in the muck and mess of conflict and we find it difficult to extract ourselves from the situation. It can be helpful to explore the ways your family resolved (or did not resolve) differences. The following questions may help you decipher some of your own anger patterns.
Did your family ignore or avoid anger and difficult topics?
Did your family model verbal anger or allow someone to physically hit others?
Were there angry outbursts from a family member? (Holes in walls, slamming doors and throwing things are angry outburst.)
Were there different rules for the males and females and how they expressed (or not) their anger?
It is possible to change patterns of anger. The first step is to recognize when you feel angry. It may be helpful to reflect on the way in which your family expressed anger. These subtle rules often live below our awareness.